Well, it’s been awhile since I ranted about something but today is a bit of a slow day at work, and I’ve had a few things on my mind the last week or so.
Truth is, people say all the time that time heals. When bad things happen, it hurts at first but after awhile, it seems to fade away and to some extent I believed it but the truth is, at the time, you don’t think it will ever go away. Whatever major event it is seems to cloud your judgement, even for extended periods of time.
Last year was a bad year for me. Those who know me at all know I went through a separation and had a very difficult time dealing with it. At first, it seemed ok but as time passed on, it became increasingly difficult to deal with the situation because of other factors that I won’t get into. The end result, I found myself wondering if people would be better off if I wasn’t around at all. Unfortunately, it took me getting to that point to realize that I had to do something.
We all reach points in our lives where we have to make the hard decisions. We have to decide to take certain actions that we really don’t want to, but we know down the road it will help. Some people can’t make those decisions so they spend their entire lives miserable. Other people take a deep breath, do what needs to be done, and ride out the aftermath. I did such a thing. At the time, I really didn’t want to, and I know that it may have upset some people. I also know that in the time that followed, I did some rather immature things but it was my way of dealing with the issues I had. It may have been dumb at the time, but it was my way of expressing my emotion and it helped me.
For quite some time, I wondered if I was going to get over my problem. It seemed day in day out I was almost obsessing with things that totally didn’t matter. I wasn’t seeing the things that were right in front of me. It was almost as if I didn’t want myself to heal. But, to my surprise, I think the biggest hurdle has been surpassed.
The point of this little rant is, although I didn’t think at the time I’d be able to get my head into a decent place, I think I finally have now. Although I may have a nasty head cold today, I know that there’s this part of me that feels a sort of relief in letting go of the things that bothered me so much. It doesn’t accomplish anything and in fact probably caused some of my physical illness. When you finally reach that point, and you’re able to sort of deal with things head on, it’s almost as if there’s this huge weight that’s been lifted from your shoulders. I know for myself, I had a lot of resentment towards Jenn and a lot of anger that was pointed in many directions, including myself. For some reason, I didn’t seem to be able to get rid of any of that. But, time heals.
So now, I’m feeling damn good. Yes, I’m sick today. But as far as my head is concerned, I feel awesome. I feel better than I have in a long time. I’m generally happy. I’ve got some of my debt paid off already. I’m going to Alberta to visit my friends and family. And it seems that I have more friends than I thought I did, and it’s nice to know that people care. But aside from all of that, I guess I just feel better about how things have turned out and that everyone has to lead their life they way they feel they need to, and that if you want them to, things will get better!
So, for any of you who are going through a tough time in your life right now, just keep in mind that eventually time does heal things. But you have to want things to get better, and if you do, they will! 🙂
So there. I’ve had my say.
