So as I was saying in my post of the day, I went to this developers user group meeting last night. It lasted about two and a half hours and had about 20 people there, maybe a little less. In general, I’d say the age of most of them was under 30 and some of them were still in school. There was a few of them there that were a little older but in general it appeared to be a pretty young crowd…
Not knowing anyone, I knew this was one of those times where you are supposed to “network” and get to know people and talk about stuff. Something I am not very good at. Some people can walk into a room filled with people they don’t know, and just start up a conversation. It’s not something I’m very good at and perhaps should learn to work on because I know it can be very beneficial.
I listened to a lot of the conversations and then the presentation started. Not being much of a fan of Microsoft, I wasn’t too enthusiastic about what they were going to talk about, and to be honest, I ended up realizing the focus of the group was on something much larger than what I had originally thought. Anyway, the guy from Microsoft doing his presentation really knew his stuff and things actually started to look pretty interesting. By the end of the first half, I had already learned a few things and had become a bit more interested in the topic at hand.
By the end of the presentation, I was bored, but I was glad I went as I didn’t even know this thing existed. It did however leave me with an odd feeling that I had not expected.
For anyone who has known me for any length of time, you know that I’ve always been into computers quite heavily. What some may not know, is for how long. I was around 6 when I first started playing on computers. My grandfather bought a Texas Instruments home computer back in the days of Atari 2600 and I used to play games on it. It was there I first learned how to program and the computer bug really bit hard, and has been with me ever since.
From that point forward, I always wanted to be a computer programmer. It was something I enjoyed, and it was something I was really good at. I wrote countless apps on my TI computer, then when Commodore 64’s were out, I went nuts with that, and then eventually moved to the PC and started in Quick Basic. When I graduated out of high school I still wanted to get into programming so I took a programming course at EBCI which, looking back now, didn’t give me a lot of skills I can use today, but it did give me formal education that I really needed.
That diploma got me little. I did a few stints in the government and never went any further with it. I did the Greco thing for a few years and then for some reason decided to go into computer networking because it sounded pretty neat. I graduated with high honours, top of the class, and got work right out of school. I have been working ever since. The work I did right away was hell, but when I got the job at IBM, as a programmer, I loved it. Not just because it was at IBM, but because it was a programming job, and I REALLY liked it. I was really good at it and was able to do a lot.
Now here I am, a Network/Systems Administrator doing almost no development at all. Not really happy with the work I do but glad to have a job and glad to work with decent people. The work itself is not very satisfying and I turn and look at the choices I made and wonder if I made the right ones along the way.
Going to that meeting last night reminded me of how much I enjoy programming. I think of the times when I have been working on personal programming projects and how much enjoyment, and fulfillment I got out of them. If I had taken another programming course, would I be in a better position now? If I had tried harder to find work, instead of going to Greco, would I have landed a good programmer job?
I start to think about whether or not, at this point, I’m stuck in the career path I’m on. I get so much more enjoyment out of something else that is not my job, but my skills are now dated and have no means to really get back into the game. It’s sort of frustrating.
I mean, I could start buying books and studying, and all of that stuff, but do I want to spend all of my spare time studying up on stuff that may never help me? I’m the type of person who needs a specific project in mind and then if I don’t have a skill to accomplish it, I learn the new skill, fast. I learned PHP in a few days because I needed to. I learned TCL because I needed to.
How do I find a way to NEED to learn these things, other than just wanting a more fulfilling job?
Do I even bother, or do I just say fuck it, accept the path I’m on, and leave it there. I’m sure I’ll be successful in one form or another with this work, but it doesn’t give me the satisfaction programming did.
*sigh*
It’s depressing. I need to find a way to move to something else, but you can’t quit your job when you got bills to pay at the same time. It really sucks.
I guess when you start to think about the choices you made in your life, you really see the mistakes, the good, and the bad. It’s funny how hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20.
So there, I’ve had my say
