With the rampant growth of underdeveloped organs, I find myself looking to the sky and wondering if there will ever be a real answer. Are these the things that we all explore in life but don?t understand? Why is it when I mow the lawn naked, the neighbors stare? Can I not have a moment to myself and speak to the furniture in tongues of many who don?t understand?
It?s not that I?m against such things, but who wants to eat macaroni when grass is ready and cold? There was this one time when I went down to the pool and jumped into the water and it turned into jello. I thought this was a bit odd so I started eating everything in sight. To my surprise, the taxi driver jumped in and splashed jello all over the place. Feeling a bit dirty, I jumped in a puddle of mud and was very quickly cleaned off. Who would have known that such things happen.
Rats. Why did they have the be rats? They were all in my hair and on my face and when they poo, it smells like oregano and I?m not sure why. Maybe it would be good on pizza. Speaking of pizza, I have pizza in my fridge that?s been sitting there since the dark ages. Well actually, to the pizza, it?s always the dark ages since the light turns off when the fridge is closed. But is that really true? Or is it a misconception fed to all of us to keep us in the dark about porn stars who eat oatmeal on Sundays as a sexual stimulant.
I?m yawning and stretching because I?m tired and want to go back to bed. I slept on the floor last night because my armpits were on fire and that made the bed hot. That whole flame thing is hard on the ass. I have it on good authority that women who swallow semen have bigger breasts. This is a well known fact among men. We don?t like to divulge too much information to women because then they would know about all of our secrets. Like the underwear thing. They?ll never know about that. NEVER!
I find it interesting that some people feel the need to pick their nose on Sunday but not on Friday. And only if they are at the checkout of a grocery store, and then they fling it and you feel the slimy thing on your face and wonder where it came from so you wipe it on the magazine rack hoping it was just something you ate. Or better yet, maybe you could buy some jam. Ya. Jam is good. Although I?ve never actually had jam so I can?t say for certain if it is that good or not. Maybe it sucks. Like a vacuum. I need to vacuum my basement because there?s stuff down there. Scary stuff. Stuff that would make you think twice about pealing your eyelids off with a banana peeler. Is there such a thing?
Regardless, don?t get a spray on tan. They have these new high tech things called beaches. You lay down on the sand for like an hour, and you get a tan. Very odd stuff. It?s amazing what technology can do. But since this lint in my belly button has begun to multiply like rabbits at an orgy, I better go do something constructive. Like build a house. I?m going to build a house now. Bye bye!
