The aftermath begins…

Well folks, as expected by most of the folks on my side of the family, the aftermath of my step-father’s passing has begun.

Long before Tiny became sick, he had warned our family that when the day came that he was no longer with us, there would likely be a whole lot of fighting, and much disturbance from his four daughters. I can say for myself, that I had hoped that Tiny would pass, we all would grieve, and that would be the end of it. But, as my step-father predicted, the aftermath has begun.

First off, let me give you some history. My mom was with Tiny for almost 20 years and in those 20 years, there have been, how shall I put this, “incidents” between us and Tiny’s daughters. We’ll call them the “Dow girls”. Generally speaking, the girls have been friendly and cordial to myself and mom, but once our backs were turned, the crap always flew. We’ve heard so many tales from members of the family of things that have been said and done behind our backs. How the girls were obsessed with thinking mom was with Tiny for his money. What money? He owned a business but he wasn’t rich. No money to be had.

Countless issues of the girls insisting that my mom was bad for Tiny and that she was mistreating him and taking advantage of him, and blah blah blah. We heard about it on a pretty constant basis. Hell, I even found out how much they thought of me when I quit my job at IBM. I believe stupid and crazy were the terms used to describe me. I would say that my life is 1000 times better now than it was then.

The other part of this is that the Dow girls were all about them, and not family. When it came to anything family related, my mom and even myself, were generally left out of the equation. There was a big birthday party for Tiny one year and the girls wanted a family portrait. No interest in including mom in the portrait. I mean, afterall, she was only Tiny’s wife. That’s not family at all right? Countless situations just like that where the girls were so focused on themselves and not considering others around them.

Even Tiny’s funeral service was a prime example of their incessant need to be greedy and selfish. Tiny did not want a funeral. He wanted a grave side service for family only. That was his wish. Now mind you, many people need that funeral service to say goodbye, but Tiny did not want that. So, the girls insisted on a funeral service. During the service, it was VERY apparent that it was the Dow girls who had arranged it because the actual service involved pretty much no one from the family, except the four girls, and Tiny’s ex-wife (their mother). The service made VERY brief mentions of my mom, myself, or even Tiny’s brothers and his sister. Hell, his sister was left out of the obituary, which by the way, the girls wrote up and were going to have printed without mom even seeing it.

The service was all about the girls. Nothing about my mom, Tiny’s brothers, or anyone else in the family. It was all about the girls. I have since heard that Tiny’s brothers are quite pissed at the girls because of this. I don’t blame them.

So here we are, a week later, and the Dow girls greed is surfacing again. Tiny had his will done up many years ago. He had always planned to leave everything to my mom and then whatever the girls wanted of Tiny’s personal effects, they could have. He left some money for all of the grand-children, including non-blood relatives. This is what he wanted. He had it prepared by his lawyer and made sure he informed my mother over and over again that these were his wishes. I had heard him talk to mom repeatedly over the years about how it would go to her. Minor things have changed on occasion over the years, but the focus was always to insure that mom was taken care of. She has no job and doesn’t work, and would need something to keep her going. He always said that the girls are fine and can take care of themselves. They are financially stable. My mom would be the one who would need the help.

In true Dow girl selfishness, they are pissed that he didn’t leave them anything. I don’t know what they expected to get. Tiny owned his piece of his business which he has since sold. He did not own any actual property such as my mom’s home or the cottage. And he certainly did not have a huge bank account filled with cash, or massive life insurance policies. He was a simple man who lived a simple life. When he left us, he left with a very simple estate that he wanted his wife to take care of.

I can fully understand how some children might feel that they have been wronged because their dad did not leave them anything. But any adult with any amount of common sense would see that if you have a bunch of kids, all of whom are healthy, happy, and financially stable, and a wife that lives off your income because she can’t work, it’s not rocket science to figure out what should go where. Mom didn’t go out to work but she took care of Tiny. She was always there and never hesitated to do anything he needed or even wanted. Mom was a typical housewife who took care of the home and even Tiny’s business affairs. She may not have had a regular job, but she was definitely busy. The girls were the daughters but they didn’t do anywhere near as much for Tiny as mom did, and Tiny recognized that.

If any of the Dow girls had been in dire straits, or had no income, living on welfare, etc, then I know Tiny would have had his will to reflect that. But even in a case like that, if you had 3 kids who were doing well, and 1 who was really bad off, do you leave the bad kid some money and not give any to the other 3? THAT would definitely breed jealousy and trouble. Plus, there would be nothing left for mom. Regardless, that’s not the situation here so it was never even a consideration.

Apparently, this is not acceptable to the girls. Once again, disregarding their father’s wishes, the word is that they will be contesting the will because they are pissed off that Tiny didn’t leave them anything.

Why is it they feel the need to be so gawd-damned selfish? I mean, on the day of the funeral they wanted to see the will to see what they got. Tiny and mom had both told them there was nothing yet they are so incredibly selfish and greedy that they seem to think there is something to gain by coming after my mom for something that isn’t there.

All four of them are financially stable (for the most part) and have decent lives. There’s nothing for them to gain by coming after my mom. For me, it pisses me off to no end to know that even in death, they can’t overcome their greed.

So, to those “greedy little bitches” who think the world revolves around them, I say to you that if you have to be so greedy that even after your father has died you can’t respect what he wanted, I hope that your greed breeds nothing but misery and distaste in your life. Tiny knew all along that this exact thing was going to happen and he took steps to insure that the one person who made him more happy in his entire life, would be taken care of.

Tiny loved you all, and we all miss him. But he wasn’t stupid. He was a very smart man who knew his family and his girls very well. Why can’t you just respect the fact that he made the decision to have his will the way it was, all on his own, and that as much as you might think there’s this huge windfall of cash or property for you to claim, there really isn’t anything there. Grieve for your father, miss him, and continue to love him, but let it all go. I can pretty much guarantee that dragging all of this out is going to cause nothing but problems, and I already know that members of your own family will look at you in disgust, wondering why it is your acting so selfish.

Tiny would not want this. He had very simple wishes and requests and all you have done is disregard all of it. Do you not have any respect for your father at all?

I’m sure he’s upstairs, cancer and worry free, looking down on Sandie and shaking his head saying, “Mom, I told you this would happen”.